I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
My vagina just recognized that song.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
