as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
