And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Randomize
