I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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