youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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