also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
