he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Randomize
