me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
