roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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