I want to walk on stilts...naked
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
