he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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