you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
