my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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