Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize