just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Be still, my beating vagina.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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