so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
