That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
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