its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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