I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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