why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
