I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I need moral support for this bender
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
