Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
