You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
