yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
