Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
