Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize