Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I just found puke in my bra..
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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