I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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