anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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