yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
