My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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