just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
