Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
