Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize