dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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