Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
