so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Randomize
