I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
We need a shit load of segways right now
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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