You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
