My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
