i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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