well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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