the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
