Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
