yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
