Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
