i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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