mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
