Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
