Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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