I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
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