I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
