so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm sobbing to NWA
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
