she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
