Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
