I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
