I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
