She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
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