Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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