Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
