She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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