Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
