I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
