look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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