Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
