do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
