He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
