Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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