my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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