I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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