My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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