They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
