One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
