glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
