She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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